Well, conditional happiness is not good. This is, um, when raising children, conditional love is not good.
So, what’s wrong with conditional love is things like showing affection only when children’s grades improve or they meet certain conditions. Then, the child doesn’t feel like they’re truly loved.
Rewarding based on something done is the way things work in companies, right? That’s how society is. You work, you get paid, work again… Society is like that.
But if you apply conditional love between parents and children, that’s treating them like strangers. You understand, right? Treating your child with conditional love is the same as treating them like a stranger.
I, for instance, didn’t have great school grades, but my mother raised me saying, “You’re really clever and great.” I don’t know the criteria she used to say I was great; I just grew up that way.
But there are many people around me who were raised being told, “Your grades are not good enough, this isn’t acceptable.” You see? They turn out to be failures as their parents raised them to be.
In true parent-child relationships, you believe in them and let them do something, even if they fail, you forgive them. You believe in them and let them try, they often fail, so you forgive and teach them again, and they fail again. This is the cycle; this is how growth happens.
You shouldn’t impose conditions every step of the way. This is a fundamental rule.
Now, what I’m talking about here is not parenting, it’s about us as children who have grown into adults.
What we should do is avoid conditional happiness. For example, stop thinking, “This company would be great, this boss would be great, if I had a mansion, that would be great,” and constantly attaching conditions like “If it’s not like this, then I’m not happy, if it’s like this, then I’m happy.” No, since you are just born, you are happy.
Instead of thinking, “It would be great if my school teacher were like this,” think about how you can be happy in your current environment. Think about how you can make yourself and others happy, how you can be of help to others, even in small ways.
Think about being happy in the moment.
And don’t keep attaching conditions, like “I’d be happy if it were like this, if it were like that.” People who seek conditional happiness do the same with parenting.
They might wish their child had a higher nose, longer legs, could speak English, or attend a good university…
People who impose conditions on themselves keep thinking, “I’d be happy if this were a bit different, if that were a bit different.” The thing is, there’s never a state where all those conditions are met, right?
Such people, even if they became the Emperor and drove a Porsche, would still complain, “Why don’t I have freedom?” You see what I mean?
If Princess Diana, who was quite attractive and lived luxuriously, was unhappy, then it’s possible for someone to be unhappy under any conditions.
There are happy people who aren’t as good-looking, who don’t have much money, who live in smaller houses. You see? There are still happy people among them.
But no matter the conditions given, there are unhappy people who keep searching for unhappiness.
For example, if a husband is secretly having an affair, they’ll complain and say they’re unhappy. But they could still find happiness in that situation.
And if such a woman ends up with a very unpopular husband with the girls, she’ll surely find something to complain about. She’ll say he’s not attractive or find other faults.
The best thing is for you to change.
You see, it’s not good to constantly try to change the people around you. People who think like that aren’t the best.
People who are grateful, who feel happiness, they don’t think like that.
People like that, even if I advise them to say, “I’m happy,” they won’t say it. They keep making excuses.
They should just say it right away. You see? And then they become happy.
If you look unhappy, just think about how much it bothers the people around you. Think about it.
Don’t keep attaching conditions to happiness.
At your workplace, think about how to be happy. You can’t choose your job, but you can choose how to approach it.
You can choose how to live your life.
You shouldn’t complain about being born in a happy country like Japan. There’s no war, you’re well-fed, you’re actually happy. You see? Complaining even in such circumstances is strange.
People who complain should just go to a foreign country or anywhere else. Then they’ll definitely start looking for unhappiness again. They’re experts at finding unhappiness, you see?
Such people don’t actually do anything to be happy. They keep attaching conditions, like “I’d be happy if it were like this, if my parents were like this, if I had a big house…” You shouldn’t keep thinking like that.
At this stage, think about how to be happy. People who can think like that can succeed in their jobs, no matter what they do.
There are people who say things like, “I don’t want to have a business in this rural place. It would be great if my house were in front of Tokyo Station.” But Tokyo Station is in Tokyo, it can’t appear in Ibaraki or Saitama. Still, start a business in the place you choose. That’s where you can find happiness.
You only have those parents. Be satisfied with them. There are various circumstances. Some parents even bully and kill their own children. It’s okay to think that you’re lucky not to have been killed.
For example, you can think, “Thanks to these parents, I was able to leave home early and become independent.” It’s your own thoughts, but you can think, “Oh, I’m lucky!” A way of life where you can feel happiness, is to first say, “I’m happy!”
It’s okay to think, “If my parents had been indulgent, I might have stayed by their side forever. But I cannot stand being with my parents. It was inevitable to leave. It’s really for the best.”
You can think whatever you want. Your surroundings won’t change. The only thing that changes is your way of thinking. Do you understand?
You shouldn’t attach conditions to happiness. If you do, you’ll be unhappy. Conditional happiness doesn’t exist. You understand, right?
Don’t use conditional love in parenting, and don’t attach conditions to your own happiness.
Um, that’s the end of it.
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